First let me say (as an aside) Mr President, that I hold your handle, The Donald, in very much the same high regard as I do that of another great hotelier, Heinz “the Baron” Klaus von Espy. Thanks for encouraging the public you disdain to view you that way. Very gracious of you.
Now the subject at hand: the future of humanity.
Yes, we all know you’re averse to broaching these kinds of subjects without having studied the escatological masters (for starters) but, since you finally appear to have “woke” to the depth of the shit pile you’ve driven us under (and to the uncomfortable fact that you’re at the bottom of it), I think this might be a time when you might break your rulebook and listen to reason. To wit:
Let it go, The Don. It’s not worth it anymore. Even the Federalist Society Founder wants you Impeached! Again! And when they make you answer questions that aren’t already on your Answered Questions list, it must be the death of a thousand algebra problems. It wasn’t necessary when you were going to school for you to know about per capita stuff, so why now? Time to let it go, no?
Let it go, The Don. You’ve given us all you had to give and you can’t just keep going on giving forever. You’re only human, although human in the most superfluous sense. That’s what makes you what you are so please don’t make it go away by keeping going on giving forever. Think about yourself for once and cash this klunker in.
Let it go, The Don. Everyone has their day in the sun and maybe it’s now time for Don Jr and whoever he’s hooked up with at this point (if she’s still alive) to take the reins and yell “Giddyap!” Yellin’ “Giddyap,” after all, gets mighty old after a spell anyway, amirite pahdner? If you let it go you can golf everyday with whoever enjoys being cheated in a friendly game, and Kelley can even tag along if she wants to! (If we’ve learned anything at all, you require someone to explain yourself to everybody.)
Let it go, The Don. Nothing is so important that you should be required to know your son’s name and parentage at any given moment. This isn’t Cadet School anymore.
Let it go, The Don. Like I said earlier (and to get to the previous point), it’s pretty much the end of the world so why bother? Go watch “Melancholia” with that hot blond Whatsername in it, then you’ll understand. (It’s better than Shark Tank.) And go ahead and tweet that “the end of the world is upon us,” because you have to, now that you know about it. The Evangelicals will love it. They will probably fund your legal bills down to a certain point...
….so just get on the thumb-pad and give us the “So I’m outta here!” Proclamation right after the “Mike will run things now but Don Jr is in charge” tweet. And tweet to Pence, “See if you can do better than that, Snow Cone Boy!” And then leave this fucked up dimension someone stuck you in, and park your ass in comfy Tashkent, far away from all this bother.
Think about it, The Don.